


Moments in Time

by musicdorch



Category: Dong Bang Shin Ki, TVXQ!
Genre: Hurt/Comfort, I finally wrote something happy?, M/M, Second-Person POV, Unresolved Sexual Tension, Vignettes, alternating pov, scandals, what the hell is this ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-04-24
Updated: 2009-04-24
Packaged: 2017-11-25 06:28:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,366
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/636071
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/musicdorch/pseuds/musicdorch
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Scandals hurt more when there's an element of truth to them.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Moments in Time

**Author's Note:**

> I have to apologize for the ending; I wrote it much later than the rest of it. I feel like it's a bit abrupt, but never came up with an ending I was really happy with. I have mixed feelings about posting this, but I am satisfied enough with the rest of it that I hope you can forgive the cop-out ending.
> 
> Hopefully it's not too confusing to follow. I don't know why I have this abusive relationship with writing in the second person, even when the POV is alternating between two different "you"s, but when I tried it in the third person, it just didn't sound right. =/

At age 19, you’re at wit’s end. No matter how many takes you do, Jaejoong can’t stop laughing, nearly knocking over the telephone booth he’s propped against. Exasperated, the crew tells you to leave, you’ll try again tomorrow and he’d better get it right.  
  
He’s about to go to sleep but you pull him into the living area instead. He’s disgruntled, something about _already apologized_ and _gotta be up early_. But it’s on you if he doesn’t get this tomorrow night, and maybe it’ll be easier to practice without the cameras rolling. When you have him pinned to the wall, though, you catch the quirk of his lips just before laughter spills from him once more.  
  
 _Idiot_ , you mumble as you pull away from him.  
  
  
  
Age 20, last stop of the tour, and you’re drunk as the five of you push through the door to the hotel suite afterwards—on the excitement, the adrenaline, the exhaustion. You’ve probably strained another muscle, because one stumble later Yunho offers you his shoulder. You flush with the residual burning in your limbs (with the sudden warmth), and you give him an appreciative smile.  
  
Yunho averts his eyes.  
  
  
  
Age 21, and you’re actually drunk this time. You’re tired of so many things: of travel, of short nights, of packed schedules, of missing home. Yoochun is asleep, sprawled on the floor by the couch at a giggling Junsu’s mercy. Changmin is still in his workroom practicing his Japanese for your next appearance, and you can’t help but think it’s no wonder people love him so much here.  
  
The next time you look over, Junsu has collapsed alongside Yoochun, goofy smile in place even in sleep. It makes you smile as well, makes you lean that much closer into Jaejoong. The others tease you about your physical nature, brought further into light by a few drinks, but Jaejoong is warm and maybe you can pretend that you really are home, just for tonight. You nestle closer, nose pressed into his neck, and mumble something to that effect.  
  
You wake up the next morning alone on the couch, and wish you could remember why.  
  
  
  
Age 22, and your eyes narrow as he describes for an interviewer his ideal girlfriend: where they’d go, what they’d do, what she looks like. _Independent_ , he says, _a little bossy_. He’d love her to cook for him sometimes. The program wraps up quickly, after you’ve once again told the audience that you’d choose to go out with Yunho because he’s so masculine. You’ve long given up on your dignity, anyway.  
  
It’s only later that you realize his ideal woman sounds a whole lot like you.  
  
  
  
Age 23 brings with it your fantasy girlfriend. She’s cute and assertive, hair cut and styled short, clothes fashionable without being flashy. The first time you introduce her to the others, she hides her laughter with a slender hand.  
  
Jaejoong is oddly quiet throughout the affair, stealing frequent looks over his shoulder into the kitchen as she prepares a meal for the five of you. You ask him in a look, but he just shakes his head, retreats to the workroom until dinner. It shouldn’t make you feel uneasy—you don’t need the guys’ approval to date her, after all—but it’s Changmin’s knowing look later that night that tips the balance.  
  
You break up with her less than a month later, resigning yourself to the uncomfortable knowledge that you’ve been dating your bandmate.  
  
  
  
Age 24 comes with news that Junsu will be going solo before the year is out. You’d seen it coming, of course ( _when did SM performers get to be so young?_ Changmin had whined, the irony not lost on the rest of them), but it did nothing to lessen the blow. The group would be dissolved, though the remaining four of you could stay on with the company if you so chose. You’ve never known anything but music. Your life had taught you only how to live from one moment to the next, so you’d never given a thought to what you’d do after...  
  
 _Real men cry in their hearts_ , so you simply lie facing the wall, knees to your chest The bed dips and you’re suddenly enveloped by warm, quiet strength. _Y_ _ou were wrong, you know. The third time men cry is when they lose what’s closest to them._  
  
So you cry.  
  
  
  
At age 25, you’re fulfilling your duty to your country. Jaejoong and Yoochun are with you, in name at least; Yoochun is stationed across the country, while Jaejoong is somewhere overseas. Sure it gets lonely, but at least this gives you something to fill the void that opened when the five of you separated.  
  
You wonder, briefly, where Jaejoong is right now. You can’t remember what unpronounceable country he’d been sent to this time, and you don’t want to wake him with a phone call. You pause Junsu’s latest single and text him anyway, ask where he is, what he’s doing. The response comes almost instantly despite that, you discover, it’s four o’clock in the morning where he is. You’re about to apologize when the next message comes: _and_ _don’t you dare apologize_.  
  
You can’t help but smile at the way some things never change.  
  
  
  
By the end of age 26, you’re counting down the days until the five of you can reunite. You’ll be out of the service in another month, Yoochun only days after you. Yunho will be out in a month and a half. You expect the reunion to be bittersweet; Changmin will be leaving for the army in a matter of months, and Junsu has to leave early the next morning for a fan meeting.  
  
You don’t expect the rush of feeling that comes with seeing Yunho again, nor the flush of an entirely different feeling when he tells of the new girl he’s seeing. In the moment, you’re too busy enjoying the company of your brothers to be too bothered by the news, but after three beers you tell him he’s too good for her and leave the room in a huff.  
  
Forehead against the wall, you want to believe that all you want is his happiness, but the painful constriction of your heart says otherwise.  
  
  
  
You celebrate age 30 with just the five of you. You’ve just broken up with your latest girlfriend after only a week: a new record the guys love to rib you for. You laugh along, but you know them too well to think they aren’t concerned about you. Even your family seems worried⎯ _what’s such an attractive, successful man doing, not settling down by your age?_ You just laugh and tell them you just haven’t found the right girl yet.  
  
You don’t tell them you never will.  
  
  
  
  
Age 30 is painful for you. Scandals hurt more when there’s an element of truth to them, and this one’s hit too close to home. Of course the rumor, that you’re involved with your male songwriting collaborator, is nothing new to your friends, but you’d never wanted your family to find out this way. The pictures were too telling to deny, and in the month since the photos had been released you hadn’t heard a word from them. You can’t decide whether to be upset or relieved.  
  
At least you’d been able to have fun at Yunho’s party tonight, and everyone had steered conversation around your latest headline. Nevertheless, you were exhausted and opted for an early night.  
  
You should’ve known you couldn’t fool anyone, much less your brothers, and resign yourself to a discussion when you hear the door open and close softly. You feel a familiar warmth settle behind you as Yunho curls an arm around your waist., but when he doesn’t speak for nearly a minute, you shift in an effort to look at him.  
  
 _I’ll do it too_ , he says, voice muffled by your shoulderblades⎯he’d been so mad when you’d first gotten that tattoo, but you’ve all changed over the years, haven’t you?—but Yunho’s still talking.  
  
 _The media, the tabloids⎯I’ll tell them all, Jaejoong-ah._  
  
You blink. _Tell them what?_  
  
 _That I love you._  
  
  
And you kiss for the first time.  
  



End file.
